November 1997	March 2001
January 1998	June 2001
July 1999	2004
November 1999	March 2005
March 2000	2006 - present

November 1997
My journey started when I ate a salad in New Orleans. I became infected with 2 parasites.

They went undiagnosed for 10 months. I steadily lost weight and was becoming a walking skeleton. I grew extremely debilitated. Malnourished, I had sores in my mouth and was be bedridden for months at a time. Unable to work, I had to turn my freelance projects over to other colleagues.

My symptoms lead the physician I was seeing at the time, to believe that it must be stress ... the treatment was Paxil, Valium and go see a counselor.

I complied with her choices for treatment, but I knew something else was going on. I was pretty sick. Just before she went on vacation, she had ordered the last test in a series. The test came back positive. Pills were prescribed ... I was able to eat again and I regained my weight and strength.

January 1998
A few months later, I started having pain in my lower right back and abdomen. One theory is that the weight loss from the parasite had also caused the fat around the kidney to shrink. Fat is one of the components that helps keep the kidney lodged against the body wall. My kidney began slowly to detach and fall into my pelvis, kinking the ureter. The pain, (similar to passing a kidney stone), went undiagnosed for another 10 months, and progressively grew worse.
More tests ... when I would lie down during CAT scans, the kidney would slip back into place, so ... the tests continued to reveal nothing.

July 1999
Finally, the radiologist knew of a female colleague of his, who had noticed her kidney detaching a few years earlier. He asked me to do something simple at the end of a series of kidney xrays ... he asked me to stand up. Now, not only could I feel the kidney falling into my pelvis, but we could see it.

November 1999
By now, I was in too much pain to travel to the kidney specialist in the Midwest who is known for a surgical procedure to reattach the kidney...so, my husband and I decided to go ahead with a local kidney surgeon. Being an unusual surgery, we did get a 2nd opinion and opted to try to reattach the kidney in an open approah surgery, with the help of the first surgeon. I am grateful that my urologist was willing to try something so new ... surgery was scheduled a few weeks later.

March 2000
In creating scar tissue on my back body wall for the kidney to adhere to, the surgeon suggested months later, that he might have roughed up some of the nerves along the posterior abdominal wall a little too much. By now, I was in the fight of my life. Pain had taken over the whole right side of my torso ... giving off unusual sensations, taking my energy, feeling deeply weakened, with no answers as to how to quiet the monster.

March 2001
Nearly 2 years, 13 physicians, numerous ER visits later and now lame in my right leg, I lay in an ambulance, dying. Rushed to the emergency room, it took weeks to gain enough strength to stabilize again. I had been deeply changed - I changed the way I dealt with my illness and I changed the way I asked God for help.

June 2001
Guidance came in the name of "Dr. John McDonald," a pain specialist at UCLA. My husband took me to see him the next week. In so much pain that I could barely speak, I had decided to write down my history, in a series of several days before the appointment ... I could only be upright for 20 minutes at a time and putting everything on paper was important to me ... I knew I didn't have the energy to go through another intake interview.

Dr. McDonald instinctively understood. He took what I had written and left the exam room so that he could concentrate on what I was trying to communicate ... he took the time to read my story.

When he returned, he did a pelvic exam, mapping the main pelvic nerves and identifying some of the damage. We started a series of marcaine injections at the sites of nerve trauma that day. The pain began lifting ... I was returning to the "me" I once was.

Impressed with Dr. McDonald's understanding of what I was going through, his extensive training and compassion, I decided to invest what energy I could muster, into learning how to work with him ... learning how to help him, help me.

I have also been guided to other people and healing modalities that have made a great difference. I now have a new primary care physician. Low-keyed, thoughtful and open-minded, he is willing to entertain any suggestion I present. He is steady at working a problem ... staying positive and persistent, he has been willing to see me through these difficult times, as well.

2004
Twice within the last year, I had reached one of my goals; staying at zero pain levels for more than 7 days, (the first time, for 22 days - most recently, for 11 days of a 30-day month). With that experience in my brain's memory, I know I will be able to do it again and work toward lengthening each timeline, until I am at zero all the time.

Some other healing modalities that have been helpful are: Cortical field re-education, Feldenkrais, soft tissue physical therapy, Body-Mind Centering, as well as the teachings of Carolyn Myss and Byron Katie.

March 2005
I have finally found my own way to guide myself through these raging, dark waters. This year, I have navigated more of the mystery. I've experienced the steady return of my energies, my "self" and my personality that used to live in this body, which is no longer controlled by pain.

The healing work now continues to alleviate some residual amounts of pain. I know it sounds strange to "heal" and still have pain, but I have learned a powerful lesson this year; the absence of pain, is not the same thing as healing.

Some of the treatment modalities I have added this year are Soul Memory Discovery, Radical Forgiveness and the work of Esther and Jerry Hicks. I started looking for the lessons I am to learn from pain and I am finding my answers.

I am returning to work a little at a time, now. More fully alive than ever, humbled by this experience and full of gratitude. It took a powerful illness to teach me what I had come here to learn.

2006 - present
On May 1st of 2006, the final piece of my personality ... I would say my "essence", fully returned to this body. It's as if the fabric of "me" was re-woven and now can hold precious energy around me to use as I need it. A foundation has gently moved up underneath me, so that I can put my feet on the ground and slowly stand to face the world on my own terms. My spirit is back.

Joy has returned to my life; I had forgotten what joy felt like. I can count on my body to have the energy and strength it needs to show up, keep a schedule and retrain myself so I may return to work and help others in pain.

Although I have more insight into healing now, it is still magical and mysterious. I thank "God", "Great Spirit", "Source" ... whatever this force is called, for giving me this opportunity to deepen my life and give me the strength to help others stand and face their dragons.

At this writing, I am aware that some of the hardest work is beginning ... going back into the worId and interfacing with friends and family and work again. I am not the same sick person anymore and things will have to change ... yet, again.

I learned that there is help and hope: not to give up. I learned not to give my power away and to know that in the end, there is something working underneath all of what I experience that makes all of this make sense. I focus on what I can do each day ... and I try to stay calm in the chaos and look for the lessons. There are no accidents; for me, this all has meaning.

© Sterling, 2007