Healing
as a Video Game 
Several years ago,
my step-daughter introduced me to a part of her world - video games. At
that time in our lives, it was a way of being in the same space together,
without conflict or confrontation. She and I would play together for hours
and I was happy to share this time with her.
As I look back, I realize that healing is very much like playing a video
game. I don't mean this to sound trite ... it's a very serious game. Watching
my own healing, I can see the similarities between how healing naturally
progresses and how a player would master a video game.
At the start of a video game, I am dropped into the first level ... it's
an unfamiliar world and it's up to me to find the key to unlock the secret
door to find the treasure ... in this case, the treasure is health and
I am given many opportunities to learn how to find it.
As I move deeper into the world, I find certain tools to use, I have to
learn how to run, how to duck, how to jump over obstacles, how to explore
structures and identify which objects are useful to me. I have to find
which way each path leads in order to gain enough mastery to move onto
the next level. And once I master that level, I am dropped into the next
level... and the testing starts all over again. Eventually, I know that
with skill, patience and the help of some expert players, I will find
my treasure.
Strange World of Healing
What else have I learned in this strange world of healing?
A key piece of knowledge for me, is that physicians and those practicing
the "healing arts", are not my healers. They may be agents of
healing, but to me, healing is a mystery that we just don't understand
yet.
I see healing as a steady vibration beneath all of life and certain physicians
and practitioners can tap into it and guide it at different times, but
ultimately, it's too powerful for any one person to control. If one healing
modality could control the art of healing, then the others would
cease to exist.
So the good news is that physicians are not my healers; the bad news is
that physicians are not my healers.
The good news is that when I see the look of frustration or "giving
up" in their eyes or tone of voice, it doesn't shake me to my core
anymore. It just means that they have no more medicine in their bag to
offer me at that moment.
The bad news is that
then, I am have to navigate unfamiliar waters on my own, until I find
the next place of healing. It's like the Greek hero Odysseus... who, after
the Trojan War, took several years and faced many trials before he came
home ... but, he DID find home again. This is where not giving
up and learning how to ask for guidance is critical. And, once I found
physicians who were willing to work as "partners in my healing",
and not "the healers", I really wasn't alone anymore.
What's My Job in Healing?
If physicians aren't my healers, then what do I do now? I do my job.
My job in healing is to commit to taking care of myself. And to do this
the best I can, by becoming my own case manager. I commit to managing
my physical life, my spiritual life, my social life and my emotional life.
A case manager doesn't have to know how to do the work needed in each
area of life... but, as my own case manager, I need to be open to reading
signs of guidance, using intuition, keeping records on healing, communicating
as clearly as possible to physicians and integrating different approaches
to getting well.
As my own case manager, I am the one who keeps my eye on the goal and
who uses a variety of people to help navigate the sometimes raging waters.
I see the process
of managing my illness like conducting an orchestra. An orchestra is made
up of violins, clarinets, drums, cellos, horns, etc. Each instrument is
necessary to bring about the end result of a musical work of art. Likewise,
each healer, whether they be doctors, physical therapists, nutritionists
or body workers, add their unique talents to the end result. They all
work together in the art of healing.
My job is to learn to read the signs of guidance to find what I need next;
to get into action, no matter how small, to keep in motion and eventually
get "unstuck" from wherever I am at the moment. It's like a
boat getting unstuck from a sandbar...it just has to keep in motion to
set itself free.
My job is to know that dying is not the enemy. I have to admit that before
my experience of almost dying, I was more afraid to truly live life, than
I was of dying. So, I focus on a part of life everyday... no matter how
small: the sound of children playing in a playground, the smell of something
cooking or night flowers releasing their scent, the intense green of a
leaf as the sun hits it ... the experiences of life that I can give myself
now.
My job is to give
my fear away. I offer it to a higher power to deal with for the day. I
dismiss it from my mind as soon as I notice that it appears. I don't allow
it into my consciousness. Once it is sent away, I practice one of the
hardest lessons of all ... I relax into that moment.
My job is to keep that small piece of myself sacred and protect it fiercely
from Misery. That is where the energy will come from to help me continue
on this journey. That is what will help me regain faith.
My job is to know that there is no time limit on healing. It will take
as long as it takes. Healing happens in cycles and it is my job to learn
how to ride them out.
My job is to connect to nature...watch her work and connect to her...
somehow. Through seeing a plant growing or hearing the birds in the morning
outside, to creating a scene in my mind. This is where the force to heal
resides ... interwoven into all life ... that includes me. I am part of
life. The more I put life in my mind, the more I am aligned with the mysterious
force of healing.
My job is to be keenly aware of my energy levels and make decisions in
my day, based on how much energy I feel I can safely give to any activity.
I need to protect my energy vigilantly, as my body needs as much as I
can muster, to heal.
All in all, I have
many healers. Each has their own bag of medicine. I would imagine them
as sitting in attendance around my bed and as my own case manager, I chose
who I need to help me. Some days I need an allopathic doctor, some days
I need an acupuncturist, some days I need spiritual support, some days
I just need to laugh or be near my pets, who will accept me no matter
how badly I feel!
It can be a rough ride at times, but it helps me to think about what my
husband said to me one day; "It's OK ... whatever is going on in
life... is just what's up for today. That's all, it's just what's up for
today."
©
Sterling, 2007 |
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Healing as a Video Game