Communicating With Parents

25 Tips for Communicating with Aging Parents

1. Listen.
2. Speak clearly and slowly and enunciate your words. Do not shout, but rather use a low-pitched voice.
3. Use simple, short and declarative sentences. Try, “We are going to the park.” Rather than, “So…I was thinking we should maybe go to the park before it gets dark out…how does that sound, or would you prefer we do something different? Maybe we could stop by the store beforehand?” Keep your inner monologue to yourself.
4. Ask only one question at a time. Nod and smile when you understand the answer.
5. Be patient, kind and caring – no matter how frustrated you are. Hold your parent’s hand to show your affection.
6. Be sure not to eat, chew or smoke while talking, as this will make it harder for your parent to understand you.
7. Use body language and gestures to get your point across, but keep your hands away from your face and mouth while talking.
8. Maintain eye contact and smile frequently.
9. If your parent wears a hearing aid, check frequently to make sure the aid is installed properly and has working batteries. Consider installing an assistive listening device on the telephone.
10. If you have trouble engaging your parent’s attention, stand or squat directly in front of him or her and wait until he or she is focused before you start speaking.
11. Try starting each sentence with the person’s name (or just “Mom” or “Dad”) followed by a pause to make sure he or she is listening.
12. Ask rather than telling. Use the words, “please,” “can,” “will,” and “would” to start sentences.
13. Focus fully on the conversation. Don’t start putting away the laundry or cleaning up the kitchen in the middle of your talk.
14. Eliminate background noise as best you can.
15. If you are having a hard time getting something across, don’t just say the same phrase over and over. Try phrasing it in a different way.
16. Allow yourself time to communicate. The less rushed you are, the less frustrated you’ll become if things take a while.
17. Be respectful of the fact that your parent may not want to talk at that time. Perhaps he or she is fatigued, frustrated or just needs to be alone. Just because they’re older doesn’t mean they don’t have the same preferences and needs as you do.
18. If necessary, write messages or draw pictures to get your point across. A collection of simple drawings of items, such as a toilet, a blanket or a glass of water, might help the person more readily identify what he or she wants or needs.
19. When speaking with the blind or visually impaired, call out the person’s name and then touch them to let them know you are listening and engaged.
20. If you are unable to understand what your parent is trying to communicate, be honest and considerate about it and ask him or her to try again.
21. It may help to ask your parent how and when he or she would like to communicate. If he or she hates talking right before they are getting ready to watch a certain program on TV, for instance, they may come across as short and distracted. If you don’t ask, you may never know.
22. Remember that your parent may be just as aggravated by the situation as you are and be generous with your sympathy.
23. Don’t ever lash out or remind your parent that you have already had the same conversation; it will embarrass and hurt him or her.
24. Don’t make jokes at your parent’s expense. He or she is not doing this on purpose.
25. Accept your parent’s limitations. Though it’s sometimes hard to admit, your parent simply may be unable to fully understand what you are saying. Move on.