Questions to Ask Your Parents

25 Financial, Legal and Lifestyle Questions to Ask Your Aging Parents

Though it may be difficult, talking with your parents openly about the details of their long-term financial and health goals will help all of you come to a better understanding of their hopes and expectations for the future. Unfortunately, not everyone sees it this way at first. In fact, your parents might react to your interest in protecting their assets and providing for their golden years as intrusive, embarrassing or even offensive.

It is important, however, to try to handle this situation the best way you can. Try asking, politely and directly, if they would mind talking to you about these details. Stress that the conversation is for their benefit, and is truly the only way you can ensure that their wishes are met. Follow up by giving them a print-out of the questions listed below. Schedule an informal family meeting for a week or two later – making sure they have plenty of time to think about the questions and collect the necessary information. And, if things don’t go quite as smoothly as you would like, remember that no matter how awkward or difficult, making this effort now will prevent confusion, anxiety and heartache down the road. Good luck!

Do you have a list of your financial assets and records? If not, can I help you organize one?
Are your important papers (including marriage certificates, divorce decrees, wills, trusts, deeds, retirement account information, pension information, and the like) organized and in a safe place? Where?
Do you have a will? When was the will last updated?
Who does the will name as the beneficiaries and executors of your estate?
What types of insurance do you have (e.g., long-term care, life, auto, medical, home, etc.)? With whom, and what are the policy numbers?
Do you have savings, checking or investment accounts? With whom, and what are the account numbers?
Do you have credit cards? With whom, and what are the account numbers?
Do you know where all of your investment paperwork (including stock certificates) is?
Do you have a deed to your house? Where is it?
How do you envision your life – and lifestyle – over the next several years?
Do you have a budget worked out to fund this lifestyle? If not, do you want me or a financial advisor to help you come up with budget?
Have you made any plans for your long-term care?
If you become ill and need to move, where would you like to live? At home with in-home health workers? With one of your children? At a nursing home or assisted living facility?
Have you considered how to coordinate care if one of you becomes ill?
Do you have any outstanding debts?
Do you own cars, or do you owe money on them?
Do you have a financial advisor? Who?
Have you legally appointed anyone (via power of attorney) to make financial decisions for you in the event you are unable to? If you become ill, who would you want making these decisions?
Do you have a Living Will? Where is it?
Do you have an idea of what type of health-care and lifesaving measures you want taken? Do you have an advanced directive?
Have you legally appointed (via health care proxy or medical power of attorney) anyone to be in charge of these decisions in the event you are unable to oversee your own care? If you become ill, who do you want making these decisions?
Do you have a family medical history? If not, can I help make one?
Do you have a list of the medications you are currently taking, and have taken in the past? If not, can I help you make one?
Do you need help now with daily chores or errands? If you need help in the future, who would you like to step in?
How comfortable are you with driving right now? Are there any areas in your daily life that you are not comfortable with?

Schedule a follow up meeting with an attorney to help your parents resolve any gaps in the plans. Since this is often an adult child's first encounter with estate planning, the attorney will provide helpful and informative support to the action you are taking. Click here for more information about how to find a good attorney in your community.

Action Plan Checklist

Prepare a list of items to discuss and questions to ask your parents.
Schedule a first meeting with your parents.
Complete a comprehensive review of your parents' debts and assets (calculate net worth).
Discuss how your parents want their assets allocated.
Draft or review the will.
Name an executor of the will.
Grant durable power of attorney to someone trusted and reliable.
Grant medical power of attorney to someone trusted and reliable.
Confirm that your parents are comfortable with whom they have chosen.
Review insurance policies (long-term care, medical, home, auto, life, etc.).
Decide on the fate of a family business.
Organize financial records.
Locate all important documents and organize them in a central location.
Discuss long-term care options and determine the best solution for your parents.
Ensure all current and future tax benefits are taken into consideration.
Schedule an appointment with an estate planner and financial planner.
Schedule a follow-up meeting to secure final plans.
Follow through to ensure all legal documents have been finalized and notarized.