Seniors and Pain
Opening Your Home to a Loved One
There often comes a time in an aging person’s life when it simply doesn’t make sense to live alone any longer. Whether the person is sick, injured, at risk or just lonely, moving in with family members – and experiencing the love and support they provide – can be the answer to many problems. On the other hand, inviting a parent (or any other loved one) into your home and taking on the responsibilities of his or her care can also be an overwhelming and exhausting experience. Following are some items to consider when deciding how to proceed.
When deciding whether or not to move your parent into your home, there are two key issues to address: where your parent will live and what assistive devices you need to install.
It is important that you make your home as elder-friendly as possible before the move. Some tips include:
Though it may be tricky, it is critical that you discuss the financial and legal details of the arrangement with your parent before the move. If you expect your parent to pay rent or cover the cost of their expenses, it is necessary that you make your expectations known before making any commitment. Also, if your work situation will change due to your added responsibilities at home, you must discuss this development with your parent.
You should also make an appointment with an elder-care attorney to discuss the legal requirements of the situation. (Visit the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys for more information.) Find out what documents need to be in order (such as a living will, power of attorney and guardianship documentation) for both the short- and the long-term. If estate planning has not been started in earnest, now is the time to get moving in order to protect and preserve your parent’s assets. Consider the benefits of selling your parent’s existing home, or transferring it to your name.
If you find yourself with questions about your parent’s health, life and longterm insurance – as well as what coverage you need to have in this situation – make an appointment with your insurance agent to work out the kinks. Ask if your parent needs Medigap insurance to cover medical costs not subsidized by Medicare and find out if it’s necessary for you to become the “representative payee” in order for you to receive and manage your parent’s government-provided benefits.
One key step to take is to find all legal, financial, and insurance documents (e.g., birth certificates, social security account information, marriage and divorce decrees, wills, power of attorney, bank account statements, titles, tax records, insurance papers and so forth) and update them as needed. Make several copies and store them in a fireproof or safety deposit box. This way the paperwork will be on hand as needed. Visit our List of Important Life Documents page for more information.
One way to lessen the stress of the situation is to write a comprehensive plan of care regarding your parent. Expect this to be a working document and be ready to adapt or change it as needed. Start by visiting our sample Plan of Care for more details about how this document might look. Then decide, along with your parent, what your parent’s most important needs are. Work with your family to figure out who can help out with tasks such as feeding, cleaning, attending doctor’s appointments, picking up prescriptions and so forth. If there are gaps in the care continuum, research what community resources are available and speak with your parent about his or her level of comfort with outside assistance. Try to get a rough daily schedule down in writing so that you all have a basic grasp of how the weeks will progress.
If you are having a hard time coming to an agreement about the care plan and daily schedule, you might ask a family therapist or social worker to help mediate the discussion.
Moving a person with chronic pain or any other debilitating disease into your home may be more challenging than expected. If your parent has a serious medical condition, including Alzheimer’s disease, talk with his or her physician before the move. In some circumstances, an assisted living or a residential care setting may suit your parent – and your family – better.
If you are in need of assistance, a quick Internet search will likely identify several resources in your community that can be of help. One place to start is by looking for religious, civic and social organizations in your town that offer programs for older persons and their caregivers. Also, many national organizations can direct you to local chapters or groups. Investigate the links on our resources pages for more information, or call the National Eldercare Locator Service at (800) 677-1116.
Resources for Older Adults
Resources and Support
Resources: Disabled and Homebound
If you are having a hard time with this decision and would like some help, consider scheduling a consultation with the Family Caregiver Alliance. Its staff members can help you weigh the advantages and disadvantages of the situation, as well as provide valuable information. The organization can be reached at (800) 445-8106.
Getting Started: Questions to Ask
- How is my relationship with my parent?
- How will I talk to my parent about moving?
- Does my parent want to move? What about his or her significant other?
- How do my spouse and children feel about this?
- What impact will it have on my immediate family?
- How will my siblings feel about the situation?
- How much help can I expect from my family?
- What problems can I anticipate?
- Does my parent have any habits (such as smoking or drinking) that will be problematic?
- Will I also need to look after my parent’s pet?
- How equipped am I to provide care?
- How comfortable am I helping my parent bathe and groom?
- How comfortable am I accepting help from respite services?
- How comfortable am I administering medications?
- How is my parent’s health?
- Is his or her condition expected to change in the near future?
- Will my parent need care during the day?
- Do I have the time to do this?
- Do I have the financial resources to do this?
- Do I have the emotional resources to do this?
- What are my needs?
- How is my health?
Adapting Your Home
When deciding whether or not to move your parent into your home, there are two key issues to address: where your parent will live and what assistive devices you need to install.
It is important that you make your home as elder-friendly as possible before the move. Some tips include:
- Installing grab bars in the bathroom
- Installing non-slip mats and seats in the shower stall
- Installing raised toilet seats
- Making clear, uncluttered paths throughout the house
- Removing low chairs that are hard to get out of
- Removing throw rugs and other “slip or trip hazards”
- Taping cords to the wall
- Tacking carpet edges to the floor
- Adding treads or carpet to the stairways
- Installing handrails on both sides of the stairways
- Installing more lights (including night lights) and easily operated light switches
- Organizing shelves and cabinets so that frequently used items are in easy reach
- Keeping a large-print list of important numbers in an accessible place
- Installing telephones in each bedroom and bathroom
- Programming the speed-dial function on the telephones
- Installing intercom systems
- Installing alarm systems and/or giving your parent a wearable alarm device
Financial and Legal Issues
Though it may be tricky, it is critical that you discuss the financial and legal details of the arrangement with your parent before the move. If you expect your parent to pay rent or cover the cost of their expenses, it is necessary that you make your expectations known before making any commitment. Also, if your work situation will change due to your added responsibilities at home, you must discuss this development with your parent.
You should also make an appointment with an elder-care attorney to discuss the legal requirements of the situation. (Visit the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys for more information.) Find out what documents need to be in order (such as a living will, power of attorney and guardianship documentation) for both the short- and the long-term. If estate planning has not been started in earnest, now is the time to get moving in order to protect and preserve your parent’s assets. Consider the benefits of selling your parent’s existing home, or transferring it to your name.
If you find yourself with questions about your parent’s health, life and longterm insurance – as well as what coverage you need to have in this situation – make an appointment with your insurance agent to work out the kinks. Ask if your parent needs Medigap insurance to cover medical costs not subsidized by Medicare and find out if it’s necessary for you to become the “representative payee” in order for you to receive and manage your parent’s government-provided benefits.
One key step to take is to find all legal, financial, and insurance documents (e.g., birth certificates, social security account information, marriage and divorce decrees, wills, power of attorney, bank account statements, titles, tax records, insurance papers and so forth) and update them as needed. Make several copies and store them in a fireproof or safety deposit box. This way the paperwork will be on hand as needed. Visit our List of Important Life Documents page for more information.
Developing a Plan of Care
One way to lessen the stress of the situation is to write a comprehensive plan of care regarding your parent. Expect this to be a working document and be ready to adapt or change it as needed. Start by visiting our sample Plan of Care for more details about how this document might look. Then decide, along with your parent, what your parent’s most important needs are. Work with your family to figure out who can help out with tasks such as feeding, cleaning, attending doctor’s appointments, picking up prescriptions and so forth. If there are gaps in the care continuum, research what community resources are available and speak with your parent about his or her level of comfort with outside assistance. Try to get a rough daily schedule down in writing so that you all have a basic grasp of how the weeks will progress.
If you are having a hard time coming to an agreement about the care plan and daily schedule, you might ask a family therapist or social worker to help mediate the discussion.
When Your Parent is Ill
Moving a person with chronic pain or any other debilitating disease into your home may be more challenging than expected. If your parent has a serious medical condition, including Alzheimer’s disease, talk with his or her physician before the move. In some circumstances, an assisted living or a residential care setting may suit your parent – and your family – better.
Resources
If you are in need of assistance, a quick Internet search will likely identify several resources in your community that can be of help. One place to start is by looking for religious, civic and social organizations in your town that offer programs for older persons and their caregivers. Also, many national organizations can direct you to local chapters or groups. Investigate the links on our resources pages for more information, or call the National Eldercare Locator Service at (800) 677-1116.
Resources for Older Adults
Resources and Support
Resources: Disabled and Homebound
If you are having a hard time with this decision and would like some help, consider scheduling a consultation with the Family Caregiver Alliance. Its staff members can help you weigh the advantages and disadvantages of the situation, as well as provide valuable information. The organization can be reached at (800) 445-8106.